Emotional abuse

[Calypso]

One of the ways that are personal safety defenses get lowered in relationships is through emotional abuse. Why keep boundaries if we don't think we are worth protecting? How can we throw someone out of our lives if we truly believe he/she is the only person who will ever love us?

Be aware of the most common types of emotional abuse. If a partner or friend uses them against you, don't internalize their hurtful words. Instead, invite the person who says them to mend their ways or leave your life permanently...their choice.

Abusive tactics:

Attacks on appearance--you're fat, you're ugly, etc.

Attacks on intellect--you're stupid, you're an idiot, or the more subtle, "You couldn't survive without me."

Attacks in public--"I told her not to wear that dress." "He is such a himbo when it comes to making money."

Minimizing your reactions--"She can't take a joke," "Don't cry, you take me way too seriously. I was just blowing off steam."

Estrangement from family/friends--"Your parents don't like me. You have to choose between us." "Your friends drag you down. I don't want you hanging out with them anymore."

Taking away choices--wear this, do this, don't do this, you can do x but not y...

Making threats--"If you leave, I'll kill myself." "Be back on time or I'm taking your dog to the pound."

Finally, escalating to, and then justifying physical violence--"I'm sorry I hit you, but I just get so mad when you look at other men." "I didn't hit you, I slapped you. What are you, some kind of wimp?"

[vicki2]

I guess you could consider these things having to do with home security, but it seems like a topic that belongs more in another type forum. Sorry, but I can't quite connect it.

[tater03]

I think that the poster is just referring to the personl safety of someone that has or is being abused emotionally. It is a very viscious circle though and hard to get out of until you have been through it. It is hard to understand from the outside why people stay in this kind of relationship.

[vicki2]

I know. I grew up in a household like that. But it just seems out of context in many ways. Best way to deal with physical violence, which is part of home security, is to learn how to defend yourself and do it.

[Calypso]

Actually, I posted this thread in the "Personal Safety" section. Since emotional abuse is one of the things that can erode our boundaries and make us less safe, both in the home and out of it, I think it's very relevant.

[vicki2]

Then, we shall have to agree to disagree as I think it belongs in a completely different forum or in off topic discussion. No big deal. While abuse may 'erode boundaries', I can't quite associate it with discussion about cctvs and technology unless you're going to install a camera to document the abuse. Then, it's quite valid.